Kissed by Lady Luck

Reminding myself to 'Let Go and Let God'

It’s no secret that I’m an over thinker. And unfortunately, the subsequent negative thought patterns can often get in the way of me living my life with true joy and freedom. So, when I have a day where I trust God’s goodness and throw myself to the whims of spontaneity, I count is as a major win.

Yesterday, I had a win: I got a new tattoo.

She’s a cutesy little ladybug :)

For context, I love tattoos. I think they are such a beautiful way of adorning your body with art, and can be permanent reminders of precious memories and personal convictions.

But given my overthinking tendencies, it can take me a long time to decide on a piece. Tattoos are permanent. The idea of getting a bad tattoo makes the perfectionist within me shiver with horror.

This week, I had my dear friend Serena visiting me. Serena does not suffer from the same brand of people-pleasing perfectionism that plagued my early years. Together, we dreamed up the idea of a spontaneous tattoo. It would be a defiant act of trusting myself, as well as God’s hand over my life. Even if it ended up a little ugly, or a little regrettable, it would be a reminder to let myself make mistakes. And if people thought it was a stupid idea? It would be a reminder to let them think what they will. I have more important preferences to please—those of God.

So instead of thinking of something that had 17 different layers of symbolism (as all of my other tattoos do), I picked something simpler: a little ladybug.

In my mind, it encapsulates the innocent, thoughtless joy of having a ladybug land on you. It’s the simple acceptance of good luck on a summer’s day. It’s trusting that synchronicity happens and things really do work out for good in the long run.

From now on, I will always have a little dose of happy ladybug luck with me.

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It’s taken me many years of inner work to get to a place where I can trust myself and God so freely—and in many ways, it remains a daily battle. I’ve often said that my imagination is so powerful that it can used for good just as easily as it can be used for evil. At the start of my day, I can imagine a dozen different happy miracles and another dozen tragic catastrophes that might happen.

Perhaps it is something primal within me; a Neanderthal-esque instinct to be wary of danger and be prepared for the worst. They say that a similar a concept applies to social media comments—often, our minds will search for the one negative message in a sea of positive ones and focus on it disproportionately. Generally speaking, being approved up by your village or society led to protection and safety.

All of these base instincts are meant to keep us safe. It's generally helpful to be 'liked', or at least on good terms, with other humans. It's good to avoid unnecessarily risky activities. It's good to take some measures to keep yourself healthy, safe, and alive.

But the truth is, there is so much more to living than mere survival.

This is what I remind myself when I get stuck in an anxious thought pattern. Life lived to the fullest has room for mistakes, and the path meant for me won’t look like anyone else’s. It’s up to me and God to figure it out together.

While I am undoubtedly still learning how to live this ‘full life’ I speak of, these are the two lessons that have helped me the most:

Valuing God's Opinion Above Everyone Else's

This, then, is how you ought to regard us: as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the mysteries God has revealed. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.

1 Corinthians 4:1-4

This lesson addresses my tendency to be a people-pleaser. I must often remind myself to care more about what God thinks of my actions than what any human does. This framework acts like a mental sieve; little things like what they think of my shirt or my shoes be completely fall on the side of irrelevant. Complicated things like someone feeling betrayed by me take on nuance. God knows the truth of my heart, and knows my intentions, even if a person doesn't. Moreover, God gives me the strength, wisdom, and bravery needed to kindly confront conflict and repair any relationships that need some TLC.

That’s the wonderful thing about God: He is the perfect embodiment of love. Valuing his opinion doesn't mean that I am mean or dismissive to others; in fact, as a follower of Christ, I should be doing quite the opposite. I should be striving to cultivate the fruits of the spirit ("love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control"), all of which should lead me to treat others with love.

The thing is, there will always be a 'hater' around. There will always be someone who misunderstands my intentions. There will always be someone who is acting out of selfishness or greed rather than love. It is these imperfect opinions that I must dismiss as I make room for conversation with my holy God.

Letting Myself be Human, and God be Godly

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

The problem with perfectionism is that it is impossible. Mistakes are human, and perfection is Godly. Letting go of my need for control involves inviting Jesus to take the wheel.

As I discussed earlier, it is very natural to try to avoid mistakes, or at least to strive for ‘right’ choices. But I am already cautious, and considerate, and prayerful—these qualities come very naturally to me. My efforts must be focused not on becoming more careful, but rather on remembering my own human limits and God's goodness and power.

I won't always make the right call in my own life, because I am human. I cannot research my way into perfect wisdom or decision-making prowess; there will always be things I don't know and unexpected circumstances. Things will go awry, as they often seem to do. But God is good, and he will never leave me or forsake me. There is no mistake that is truly unforgivable in his eyes; there is no rut I fall into that he cannot save me from. I must keep pressing on, and trust that God will help me when I need Him. In fact, life is much sweeter when I rely on His perfect sovereignty than on my own imperfect self.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Matthew 6:25-27

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Serena at The Nana Room

Because God is so good, my spontaneous tattoo experience was even more wonderful than I could have planned for. We ended up at a tattoo parlour that I hadn’t ever come across in my online research: The Nana Room. It was feminine, cozy, clean, open to walk-ins, and there was even a painting of baby Jesus in the manger on the wall. We ended up getting tattooed by the owner herself, and she was as skillful as she was kind.

I don’t think my next tattoo will be quite as spontaneous, but I will happily plan for another experience at this place. I can’t wait to see what I get next.