How to Pray
Prayer is one of those things that really confuses people. It always gets a reputation for being odd, or confusing, or boring, or pointless—and yet for centuries, it has remained relevant in the discussion of spirituality because it is undeniably powerful.
Funnily enough, the idea of ‘manifestation’ has gained recent notoriety in pop culture. Manifestation promises that envisioning the life you want for yourself, with boldness and specificity, will result in you achieving your imagined dreams. Surely, I think to myself, this trend is a response to our collective yearning for the lost art of prayer?
The truth is, prayer is much more powerful than manifestation. Wishing-well prayer, as I call it, is just one very watered-down strain of the larger practice of prayer. While the Bible encourages some degree of bold confidence with our prayer that feels reminiscent of manifestation (see quote below), the call of the Christian life encompasses so much more than personal gain.
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
Mark 11:24
Prayer can be used to soothe and uplift our own minds:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7
And it also serves as a reminder of our core faith values:
‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.
But perhaps most profoundly, prayer is a 2-way street. It involves both speaking to God and listening for His response.
For the Lord gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
guarding the paths of justice
and watching over the way of his saints.Proverbs 2:6-8
I think the power of prayer is altogether too far-reaching and mysterious for me to be able to succinctly explain in a newsletter. (Again, I remind you that I am not a theological expert. I am just a girl.) But what I can share is my personal experience with it, and I can confidently say that it has been a pillar of comfort, strength, and guidance in my life.
My grandmother first taught me to pray when I was about 10 years old. It was at the church my grandparents attended in Coral Gables, Florida. My brother and I were only visiting for a couple weeks in the summer, but we were warmly welcomed into the kids ministry along with the other regulars.
I don't know if my grandmother always helped in the kids section, or if she just helped that week so that my brother and I wouldn't be alone, but she was the one who passed out the worksheets that week.
She handed me a paper that looked something like this:
Or at least, this is how I remember the worksheet looking. It's been a few years...
We were taught that praying is almost like writing a letter to God, and we all took up our assorted Crayola markers and colored pencils to fill in the blanks of our prayer sheets. We were told to ask for help with any things we were concerned about, or to give thanks for the things we were grateful for.
I don’t remember what was on my mind at age 10, but I imagine my filled-out worksheet would look a bit like this:
I don’t think anyone would describe my 10-year-old prayers as sophisticated—I generally stuck to this simple letter-like structure for a few years after learning it. However, I think everyone would describe the prayers as pure, and that purity is something I have been striving to conserve as I grow up and increase my intellectual understanding of faith.
People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
Mark 10:13-16
Prayer is, in my understanding, a form of communication. It includes any way of talking, listening, or conversing with the divine. It can be as formal as a written-out letter on a worksheet, or as casual as a “Thanks, God” whispered under your breath. It does not need to be a repetitive recitation guided by a beaded rosary, although it can be. It does not need to be done in a traditionally holy location, although it can be. It does not need to be spoken out loud, although, once again, it can be.
Like any true friendship, my communication with God has become something intricate and beautiful. We have inside jokes. We speak fluidly and with easy reference to past shared history. In many ways, my prayer with God has been one long, ongoing conversation since the first moment I dedicated my heart to Him as a child.
Even during the long stretch of years when I wasn’t attending church regularly as a teenager, I didn’t stop praying. I would wake up on a particularly sunny, beautiful morning and thank God for such a gorgeous day. I’d pray for steadiness and calm before my big test days. I knew God was the source of my every good blessing, and the ever-present comfort in my challenges.
So, while in some ways, learning to pray is as easy as filling out a children’s Sunday School worksheet, a life filled with prayer often includes many more variations of holy communication. If I had to boil down my top tips for a vibrant prayer life, I’d say:
1. Be honest.
God doesn’t mind messiness. He’s not surprised when we’re angry, or sad, or resentful. He can handle us at our worst, and is the expert at gently helping us find the path back to our best selves.
2. Keep it simple.
While I love pretty words and dramatic poetry, they’re really not required for good prayer. Your vocabulary doesn’t need to be expansive. Your Biblical knowledge doesn’t need to be top-notch. If your words are real and authentic, then they count.
3. Take some time to listen.
Again, ‘listening’ to God is one of those concepts that feels odd to act out and even more odd to explain. It’s one of those spiritual mysteries that requires a little bit of figuring out for yourself. But pop culture encourages ‘looking out for signs from the universe.’ Why not try looking out for signs from God?
The simplest way to get started would be including a minute of silence at the end of your prayers. Don’t rush away or let your attention wander back to your to-do list… Just sit, and see if you get any nudges towards holy contemplation. Perhaps God reminds you of an inspirational and fitting Bible verse? Perhaps you feel an overwhelming sense of calm about a situation that you were previously stressed about? Perhaps you feel clarity regarding your next steps?
If the thing you’re ‘hearing’ resonates with Biblical ideas of goodness and beauty, then it is probably true.
If you are feeling inspired to try prayer for the first time (or the first time in a while), I hope it’s a fun experience for you!
And alternatively, if you’re one of my friends who isn’t comfortable with prayer but could use some spiritual support, you can always ask me to pray for you. Chances are, I’m already on it ;)